depressing revelation
Yes, it's ending. Everyone's happy, but how come i dont seem to feel that way?
9.15am, and there would cease to be a reason for my being in hwachong, nor a purpose for my existence in the school.
I feel depressed, it's the same feeling i got somewhere 2 years back, the night before my final paper. I remember i couldnt sleep, overwhelmed by the bitter fact that i would have to leave the school. I finished the paper early, and i tried all that i could to draw in all that was around me. The interior of the auditorium, the lights, the ceiling above me, the table. Right after the paper ended i cried.
That was two years ago, i wonder what would happen this time round.
Why am i screwed up that i always seem to be the only person who feels so screwed up at times like this. Why am i so freaking emo? Why does everyone seem so blinded by the elation of ending their last paper? Does anyone ever view things from the same perspectives that i do??
Ive had my ups and down in this school, but nomatter what it doesnt stop me from being attached to a place where i spent two years of my life in.
**** lar i cant even study properly, when i realize that shit this is the last time i'm ever gonna flip through these bio notes.
Came across a water assignment marked by ms ke.ung, she said " come on! I think you're capable of sth better! set higher expectations for yourself! ". I felt bad and studied for the biomolecules test. For the first and only time i topped the class for the essay. That was the only time. After that i seemed to have forgotten how not to let teachers down. I feel so useless, since when does it feel good, to see the kind of expression on the teacher's face, after when i've flunked yet another paper even though she has tried hard to help me? This A's is the last chance ive got, slow i may be, but at least ive grasped the very last nuance of hope that i have. please let me do well
tmr i shall make the last purposeful walk to school, across the canteen, past the field. The same walk i made almost two years ago, albeit no longer with the same spirit. No longer have i traipsied to school, no longer has it been a drudgery to go to school.
I will enter the school hall for the last time, and have a personalised table and optical answer sheet. I will complete the paper and come out with a smile, nomatter how many questions i may have screwed up.
I will not shed a tear, for it is the last day of school. Treasure the remaining time that i have, grasp these moments before they slip away into the abyss of the never returning.
I shall exhaust all my depression now, and wake up to a bright in school.
Smile boy :)
**** why can't anyone ****ing emphatize.
[ censored: 9/1/07 ]
9.15am, and there would cease to be a reason for my being in hwachong, nor a purpose for my existence in the school.
I feel depressed, it's the same feeling i got somewhere 2 years back, the night before my final paper. I remember i couldnt sleep, overwhelmed by the bitter fact that i would have to leave the school. I finished the paper early, and i tried all that i could to draw in all that was around me. The interior of the auditorium, the lights, the ceiling above me, the table. Right after the paper ended i cried.
That was two years ago, i wonder what would happen this time round.
Why am i screwed up that i always seem to be the only person who feels so screwed up at times like this. Why am i so freaking emo? Why does everyone seem so blinded by the elation of ending their last paper? Does anyone ever view things from the same perspectives that i do??
Ive had my ups and down in this school, but nomatter what it doesnt stop me from being attached to a place where i spent two years of my life in.
**** lar i cant even study properly, when i realize that shit this is the last time i'm ever gonna flip through these bio notes.
Came across a water assignment marked by ms ke.ung, she said " come on! I think you're capable of sth better! set higher expectations for yourself! ". I felt bad and studied for the biomolecules test. For the first and only time i topped the class for the essay. That was the only time. After that i seemed to have forgotten how not to let teachers down. I feel so useless, since when does it feel good, to see the kind of expression on the teacher's face, after when i've flunked yet another paper even though she has tried hard to help me? This A's is the last chance ive got, slow i may be, but at least ive grasped the very last nuance of hope that i have. please let me do well
tmr i shall make the last purposeful walk to school, across the canteen, past the field. The same walk i made almost two years ago, albeit no longer with the same spirit. No longer have i traipsied to school, no longer has it been a drudgery to go to school.
I will enter the school hall for the last time, and have a personalised table and optical answer sheet. I will complete the paper and come out with a smile, nomatter how many questions i may have screwed up.
I will not shed a tear, for it is the last day of school. Treasure the remaining time that i have, grasp these moments before they slip away into the abyss of the never returning.
I shall exhaust all my depression now, and wake up to a bright in school.
Smile boy :)
**** why can't anyone ****ing emphatize.
[ censored: 9/1/07 ]
posted by wx at 10:15 PM
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