New year update

So many things to talk about, hmm i don't know how to start this 'update'. Well, here's a very suprising fact:

" Weixuan actually enjoys school now! "

No kidding, heh, though don't really understand why. been trying to figure out that for awhile. Why do i not feel screwed up anymore?? why do i actually look forward to school now?? I've even forgotten whyy i felt so miserable last year. why why why?? Started worrying about it too, and dunno i felt screwed up for not feeling screwed up at all. Confusing.. you understand??

Can't really seem to sort out my thoughts, so i'd just ramble and throw everything out, pertinent or not.

Amidst trying to understand why i was screwed up for not feeling screwed up, i started to worry that i was going to forget my past, forget ac, forget memories. Forgetting those precious memories formed in AC is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to me. I don't want to forgot such a significant part of my life. I started worrying that by enjoying school, i'd start to become like what many ppl who enjoy their school have - enjoy the present so much they forget their past, forget old friends, drift away. I mean, it's alright to enjoy school, but can't they do that without drifting away from old friends? Junyi also agrees with me. We should always remember our roots. I pity those who don't, they are the ones who are actually losing their friends. Hope they do come around.

Samuel told me to heck about trying to understand why i feel so different, so did quite a number of my friends, so yeah i thought it made sense too. Hence i decided not to think about it anymore, and go on enjoying life! =)

Rachelle also pointed out, that since i AM aware of the fact that i should not forget my roots, i wouldn't be likely to not keep in touch with old friends either.

Quite sad now, one year of jc life is gone. If only i could have enjoyed life as much as i did this year. If only this year was j1 and i had one year more. If only i could have adapted better and faster, though i know that's really quite impossible.

School doesnt feel that empty anymore. I dont just come to school stoning, and walk home at the end of the day not feeling any better. I dont just go to school and come back, and at the end of it all find myself asking the question 'what's the point of school? What have i done?'. School doesnt seem like a cold liveless midway-house anymore, rather there's now some warmth injected into my life.

So why do i enjoy life now? Here are some of the more critical changes that i can think of:
1. Juniors seem to have brought a whole new dimension into my life. Seems to like give me something to think about, something to be happy about, something that i can look forward to! Without them life would be just as empty as last year (my seniors weren't exactly that interactive), just as humdrum and sadcase as ever. They just bring some excitement into my life, like "hey ive got juniors! how nice". They provide me an outlet to which i can dispense some care to (since i dont have a gf). I really like the angel-mortal letter writing idea too, and class bench too, really promotes interaction. Having a mortal is like you take on the responsibility of looking after a junior, taking care of him/her and helping him/her fit into college life and school culture. I really dont know how to describe this, but juniors do make a difference!

2. There is no 2. Actually that's the only point i can think of. Maybe after the long holidays, i seemed to have forgotten all the depressing thoughts, left them behind in the old year. Since the first day i stepped into school tings felt different already, i can't explain. Divine intervention perhaps? =) Because of my perspective change i can get along better with my class too, i feel like i can actually promote more ppl to good friends (last year i saw everyone as friends). My sociability in school has increased, and i talk to ppl more now, classmates too. I'm behaving more normal in class now, cause i do feel normal now. Not exactly normal either, maybe about 75%? Good enough. Maybe cause there are girls and hence i can't break that 75%. Girls' are quite cold creatures, and i think they've got different joke frequencies from boys. Many times i just can't understand some of the girls in my class and the things they do.

Ah, why did i have to be so screwed up last year. The first screwed up impressions that ppl set upon me after 1st 3 months would most likely be the impression they have of me for the rest of the 2 years already. It ain't easy to change man, not easy for me to change back to normal drastically either, very weird. If only Isabelle knew me only this year! I totally wasn't myself at all the first three months. like wth la. I regret it, but no i can't really regret either cos i couldn't have done anything about it. Hence i really appreciate the classmates who were really understanding last year. The ppl here are nice. Maybe that's one reason i appealed back. The boring-factor is improving. Maybe they haven't changed, maybe i have changed. The kindness i get from my classmates is, how to say, undeserved, yet i dont know how to show my thanks. To the one or two cold/level headed ppl, no thanks.

Ah i've found a friend who is really similiar to me to, one great friend ive made. It's the same girl who was rumoured to have like me. K.ai Qia.n. from scgs. I don't care about the rumour, no tangible evidence and it doesnt sound convincing at all. That's not the point. She's a really nice girl actually, and sometimes i even get the kinda thoughts like ' what if the rumour was real' / 'maybe something can work out' / ' is she my type?' / ' do i like her? '. Ah well, i dont know id just see how things go, im passive man, have always been since that day in 2003. Tired of this kinda stuff, let me find someone really worthy, ONE, singular. Just a mere crush perhaps. Digressing again, my point is, her thought frequency is really really very similiar to mine. Afraid of forgetting about the past blabla. like 85% match, very easy to relate to. Talking to her may have played a role in changing perspectives. At least there's someone who is like me. What's more, as this year goes on, she doesnt feel that screwed up as well, in fact she feels the same way i do too, something's changed in both of us, and we don't know what has.

Time to talk some about my junior class. They're a fantastic bunch of people! really fun peeps. I love my juniors, really! haha. They have a 21 girls and 4 guys, a totally off the scale proportion. But take note of this: I DONT like them and mix with them just because they are a girl-dominated class. I mix with juniors because i enjoy the prospect of having juniors. Allows me to take my mind off school and dreadful work. Glor.ij.oy says ' i dont like juniors, i dunno why i can't stand them, so irritating' or something along that line during the first few days of orientation. Then, the only few ppl who mixed with the juniors were all guys, NO girls at all. As a result many start to speculate that WE these few guys mix with them solely because we are flirts. I'm not sure about sum ppl, but im pretty sure for most of us that's not the case. Sad that they have to think that way. Well at least now with angel mortal many class ppl are mixing alr.. thats good.

Another day i was talking with Cih.an on the bus. She brought up a good point, the juniors are like disillusioned like that. They seem to think that we are like waa such united!! and fun!! class.. like ' wa our juniors are such great ppl! so funloving... like right.. She said its like the guys go and talk with dem, joke joke interact likdat, den they think whole class nice like that. Quite true la, i agree with her to some extent. But i think our class is getting better too, to a certain extent.

Ah i don't know what else to say. I love my juniors and i love my class and i love my alma mater and i love my old friends. Life is good now! =) i just hate studying.