3 more days of total liberty

Firstly, to the respective people,

nothing will happen. =)

but yes please PAY UP LIKE ASAP! AASDLJKDSPFIOJDFSDKLJSD

cos I'm like damn broke apsdiojaskls with no money source because my parents are overseas, and i need cash to fully enjoy my last 3 days of alone-at-home-ness.

Haha quite funny. Went carrefour today and picked up a pack of chips and a kikapo joy juice, the cheapest drink in carrefour, went to the counter and realized that i couldn't afford to take both, so i had to be content with the 80c drink. If i dont take the drink, i cant even afford the chips. See how miserable i have become??? Kettle chips cost $6.50

I want to go out and play lan, go restaurants or cafes to chill out with friends, go bowling, book badminton courts, eat meals, cut hair and donate money to the guy who always plays guitar at the mrt station. Absolute freedom. Total independence. Imagine all the luxury of life i can have. Sounds great doesnt it? But sadly, all these are only possible, if you do your part. =( Only then, can my world be a better place =)

switch your mode, im going emo.

I'm really damn free, too free in fact, such that i'm starting to get really bored. =( It's not really cause i can't think of stuff to do, it's more like cause everyone's not free to company me.

Like shit man, my social circle seems to be shrinking all the time, ever disintegrating since the day i entered hc. Most old friends just seem to drift away, no matter how i try to keep in touch with them. Not much can be done really, if our lives don't cross. There aren't many reasons nor opportunities for interaction, and even if we do meet, there ain't much topics we can converse about.

Bumped into quite a few friends in town and all, and it usually ends with us finding ways to end the conversation politely like "hey okay ive gotta go man, see ya arnd" kinda thing. Our dialogues dont progress much beyond the mere "how are you"s and "what u doing". Sometimes they go on to "what do you plan to do next few months/when enlisting/what course you applying for", but at some point they'd just stall, because too many things have happened when i wasnt around and vice versa, such that these immense amount of thoughts and experiences accumulated through these times just fade away, outdated, and coagulate to form a barrier that plugs our thoughts and prevents even the most recent of topics from coming through. We just don't understand each other anymore.

It's true that in times like these, you realize who really are the ones that would stick with you through life, sincere people, true friends. But even these people drift away, its just inexorable. I thank these people for still sticking around, and i'm really grateful for their presence. But somehow it's just like everyone has his/her own life to go on with, their own cliques, friends, schoolmates. No matter what I just wont be part of the mainstay of their social lives. im just living on the outer rims of their social circles. It's just this indifference that arises from the lack of common experiences. It's something i feel that NS can nurture, and thats partly why im kinda looking forward to army, the brotherhood and the camaraderie. I can be someone's good friend or best friend, but because of this factor, i'm not really on their "favourites" list whenever they're planning programmes or thinking up list of possible activity partners. I'm just not really a part of anyone's life, man that just feels crappy. I'm sure some ppl would feel this way sometime or another.

I look around at my friends from other schools, almost all of them seem occupied everyday, going out with classmates, girlpals, lanmates, juniors, CCA mates, church mates. I compare the situations and start wondering if there's really something wrong with me, or is it because of the school and company i am in. I think it's both.

About the school. I can get along perfectly fine with almost everyone in school. People are nice, blabla, and im happy to have made many random friends everywhere. Sad thing is, i don't really have a clique, kinda like free-floating, stateless as J-wong would say. haha. I guess it can both be a good thing and a bad thing, bad in this sense. The thing about people in this school is that, i cant seem to find people whom i can perfectly click with, like pseudo 100% matching in frequency, where i usually have 2 or 3 from the same school and few more from others. People from different schools are just like so different. Abel complains that he can't trust anyone in class cause they are all gossipers, while I would complain that there is really a shortage of bimbos in the school. lol. I can't describe the specifics of the kind of people i am looking for, but I would know when i meet one, and i guess i have to look out of school.

I always had at least 1 close girlpal around in sec sch, and obviously from other schools, not mine. It's nice to have them, usually of equal or sometimes higher importance then guy friends. It's always easier for guys to confide in girls, and i think this is what classmates call ai mei (love sister). They'd always be there when needed, more so often then guys, but the only thing is that guy friends are tonnes more stable and maintenance-free. Go to JC, enter a co-ed environment, and most of them just drift away. Hence no more girlpals and can't find any. Girls here nothing wrong, just not really open and bubbly, and mostly quite conservative. I can't explain the difference, school culture maybe, haha. The only reason why i message people now is just to enquire information and stuff, maybe the occasional friendly greetings, no longer to chat. Den again maybe there isn't anymore smschat-culture now that we grew more matured, but i dont think that's true cause there are still people around me doing that.

Best guy friends are easier to find, but don't really have one either. Its probably because i haven't really put in much effort. Anyhow its the same case, the general interests and hobbies that people do here are quite different too. Of course there are always the usual stuff such as lan and sports, haha, but many don't really play comp games. Don't really talk about girls either cause our circles of friends don't really overlap, anyway im not really interested anymore. Eye candies are a different thing =D, now this is a universal topic. Actually best guy friends aren't that important, the kind of companylessness i experience now is probably caused by the lack of a stable or more definite clique of guy friends. Maybe i'm just trying to hard to keep all my days occupied, when everyone else are just lazy to do things. lol

As for myself, i really haven't put much effort into socializing either. The only people i really mix around with are just class guys, who are fun to crap around with. I do enjoy the random hi and bye friends in school, they enliven my day, but can't really do much with them. I didn't really create much options for myself. People are usually bonded with their CCA mates, but i'm not very close to strings people. Juniors are fine, but nobody's really close to class juniors anyway. Can't click with strings snrs alr, let alone jnrs. haha. Tuition wise, didnt really socialize, maybe i should have, lol, but the way lessons were conducted didn't really provide opportunities for interactions anyway. As for church, it's such a huge church, so obviously there's less of a "community spirit" kinda thing. There are the cell groups, which i never joined. That's another problem. Damn i should have. Otherwise i should have gone to some smaller chruch, but that's not really a good idea, afterall i come to this church because the sermons are powerful. I think CCA plays quite a big part. Sailing brought me much interaction opportunites, so did PB, photo and scouts not really but has been fun too. hmm

Judging by how i fared in adapting to this new school environment, i think i was pathetic, haha. Oh well, at least i did grow stronger having survived the experience. Id learn from my mistakes lest i suffer the same thing in uni. haha.

What an emo post, i dislike being emo. Im glad i managed to cut down on the number of emo posts already lol. Maybe i should just stop thinkign so much and start enjoying life and friends. after all many good friends could be the equivalent. Maybe i shouldn't even care about all these or even divide friends into ranks. I should probably stop looking for social activites and start doing stuff i enjoy such as cycling or rc racing, after all, the time seems to have come where everyone is already so busy with stuff. Time to visit hotels and find out how i can work as a bell boy.

Time to enroll into bellboy academy. Can you imagine? haha

Prom and class chalet post some other time